Some Conclusions

Life is definitely not easy here and finally it was time to put up some boundries. I recently read another person's blog post of how they have finally decided to dedicate their service to their work in development and are going to quit bending and taking the emotional hit trying to not offend anyone. I think I am in a similar place. In trying not to offend anyone and fit in to the Guatemalan mold, I have ended up exhausting myself. It can be done, but one can not do this for 2 years, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is a limit and I have reached it. I was keeping up a frantic pace working at the hotel and trying to start many different projects. Finally, I realized that I really wasn't able to help anyone or myself in this fashion and I needed to get organized and nail down some priorities and also put my own sanity at the top of the list. Living in an agricultural community, I have learned that they have no schedule and really no built in breaks or times to relax. I have a ton of respect for this kind of work, however, it just wasn't working for me. After my entire life in America built around weekends and working hard, while looking forward to a break, I realized I need to create this structure again here. However, I think my community is having a hard time accepting it. I have shared my new schedule and working hours with everyone, however, I don't think they quite get it. For example, today is Saturday, they did not ask me to help with a group, so I decided to not set my alarm and see what happens - well, I was so exhausted I ended up sleeping til noon, awoken by a knock on my door by someone worried that I was sick. I live in a very public place (the community hotel) and this little experiment of mine proved that sleeping in til 12 p.m. on a Saturday is unheard of here and cause for alarm. I remember the good ol days in the US when I could sleep in til 9 or 10, lounge in bed, read my book, make some coffee, keep reading and relaxing all day if I want. Here, if someone does that, it means they are sick or something is definitely wrong with them. I really used to be worried what people would think of me, however, these types of days are key to my mental health and they will have to learn that this volunteer needs some time to recharge. I can work really hard but I have learned that I need my weekends and I need my space to be by myself with my books and my music to recharge. The work here is mentally exhausting and if I am going to survive these two years, I need to build in this time for a mental recharge. Now on to my random notes section...

1. We just were taken off Standfast, which basically means no movement - I was stuck in Xela for a week - but that was actually really fun - LOVED being in a city for a week! Oh I love cities! I will never not live in a city again - I love them - the hussle and bussle - the choices, the food, the shopping, the convenience. The weather here is something else - TONS of rain and storms - lots of mudslides and destruction. Luckily my community is safe - however - my heart goes out to those who have lost their homes and loved ones. It really is quite the deal down here now and the roads are def. not very safe.

2. Thank you for the care package Mom and Dad! Oh to eat some salt and vinegar chips, get some Clinique makeup, magazines, a FAN, Bath and Body Works lotion, and so many more goodies. It is like my old life packed in a box and some days I really miss my old life.

3.My friend Steph is coming next week to help me put on an environmental education training for the teachers here - can't wait for that.

4. Can't wait to go home for Christmas - having something good to look forward to every couple of months really helps.

5. I am so thankful for my computer and Skype! I love being able to connect with family and friends! I don't think I will ever live this far away for this long ever again. This experience is really helping me learn about me - my own personal likes and dislikes - and what I need to be happy. It is really tough being so far away from family. I miss them alot.

6. Music - music is one of those things that really helps me through the tough days - luckily there is tons of good music here that I love - rap, reggaeton, bachata, salsa. Can't wait to get home and get on a dance team again - really miss that part of my life.

7. Likes: Mexican tortas, cheap hot dogs, cheap music, sculpted hair on guys, strong coffee, big thunderstorms, the view of the volcano, parrots, the french fry stand, soccer games, speaking Spanish...

So, that is what has been going on lately here. I am finding my voice again, putting down some rules, and have learned that if I am going to be effective I have got to be myself or I won't be able to make anyone happy. Thanks for reading and can't wait to see many of you when I come home in December! I am counting down the days!