Standfast Take III

Geez, the weather here just doesn't let up. Just when the terrain here is saturated enough and the river levels are up to the level of the bridge decks, another big storm system comes in...and in comes the text message from headquarters with another Standfast. This means that we need to stay wherever it is we are, call in, and wait out the storm. Luckily I am here in site and we are surrounded by thick jungle with good root systems so I am not in too much danger here. However, the road systems are another story. Most of the roads have been cut out of steep mountains, however, when the roads were cut, not much in the way of reinforcement was put in and with soils saturated the mountains literally start coming down. This is getting especially bad since the country hadn't yet recovered from Agatha and the last big storm system and in comes the next.

So, in regards to what is going on here, my mood has definitely improved and I am feeling good again. Here is the latest and greatest on what has been going on here and some other notes...

1. My friend Steph came in to help me give an environmental education workshop to the teachers here. It was so great to see her and compare notes and just talk. She was impressed with my adaption here and it was nice to hear that. When you're new to a community and constantly trying to figure it out, sometimes you feel like you're always a step behind, however, it was nice to have a friend point out some successes. Thanks Steph - it was great having you here.

2. When a giant tarantula crawls out from the cupboard when I am eating dinner, I don't even flinch, I just keep eating and watch it go. The one thing I still run from though are bats. At least tarantulas don't carry rabies.

3. I am working on a huge tourism project here - helping to organize all of the rural and agro-turismo spots here on the Pacific Coast. It is a huge project - but I think it will take off. It is looking like this might be my primary project for the remainder of my time here -1.5 yrs - no longer 2 - yeah!!!!

4. I can make just about anything out of the following ingredients...Maseca (used to make tortillas), eggs, beans, pasta, pancake mix, tomato, onion, potatoes, camote (sweet potato), carrots, garlic, Natura's tomato sauce, and oatmeal, and bananas. That is my diet here...and these are my meals...pancakes, pancakes with bananas, pancakes with coffee grounds (actually really good), omelettes, scrambled eggs, hard boiled eggs, chirmol (salsa), egg and potato/camote hash, oatmeal, oatmeal with bananas and honey, empanandas, enchiladas (completely different here - not like back home), eggs and beans, tortillas with honey and salt, pasta, Cup O Noodle, and that's about it. Oh yeah and rice... I can make a pretty good veggie curry. Really, seriuosly, that is all I eat. Thank God for multi-vitamins and my occassional trips to Reu for McDonalds. Living the forced vegetarian dream...oh meat products how I miss them! I remember asking my class of english students what their favorite food was and they all said meat - not any favorite dish or type of meat - just meat. I thought that was strange -not anymore. Ask me my favorite food right now - I'll give you the same answer - meat!

5. Skype - got to talk to my sister this week and I tell ya - this makes all the difference to me. I have the best sister in the world and chatting with her on Skype reminds me of all of good times we had, chatting it up and drinking wine on the blue couch. Oh those were the days!

6. Coffee season is on - the harvest has started. I tell ya, after living on a finca, I will never look at a cup of coffee the same. It is incredible the work that goes in getting the coffee fruit from the tree to the beneficio to the roaster to the cup. The coffee plants all have bright red coffee fruit right now and they are beautiful to look at.

7. Just watched Sex and the City 2! It is crazy how movies can bring you back. Oh it was so fun to watch and dream about America again. Movies can really take you away and for a couple of hours there I forgot I was in the jungle. However, it really makes me miss the U.S. But the good thing is it reminds me that it all is still there and waiting for me to come back!

8. 2 months to go - then Thanksgiving, In Service Training, and then HOME for Christmas. I can't wait - it finally feels in my grasp!

That is about all I can think of for now. Things have really kicked into gear here and I finally feel like I am working on some worthwhile stuff and have December to look forward to. Thanks for reading and for all of your support.

Saludos,
Tara

Some Conclusions

Life is definitely not easy here and finally it was time to put up some boundries. I recently read another person's blog post of how they have finally decided to dedicate their service to their work in development and are going to quit bending and taking the emotional hit trying to not offend anyone. I think I am in a similar place. In trying not to offend anyone and fit in to the Guatemalan mold, I have ended up exhausting myself. It can be done, but one can not do this for 2 years, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is a limit and I have reached it. I was keeping up a frantic pace working at the hotel and trying to start many different projects. Finally, I realized that I really wasn't able to help anyone or myself in this fashion and I needed to get organized and nail down some priorities and also put my own sanity at the top of the list. Living in an agricultural community, I have learned that they have no schedule and really no built in breaks or times to relax. I have a ton of respect for this kind of work, however, it just wasn't working for me. After my entire life in America built around weekends and working hard, while looking forward to a break, I realized I need to create this structure again here. However, I think my community is having a hard time accepting it. I have shared my new schedule and working hours with everyone, however, I don't think they quite get it. For example, today is Saturday, they did not ask me to help with a group, so I decided to not set my alarm and see what happens - well, I was so exhausted I ended up sleeping til noon, awoken by a knock on my door by someone worried that I was sick. I live in a very public place (the community hotel) and this little experiment of mine proved that sleeping in til 12 p.m. on a Saturday is unheard of here and cause for alarm. I remember the good ol days in the US when I could sleep in til 9 or 10, lounge in bed, read my book, make some coffee, keep reading and relaxing all day if I want. Here, if someone does that, it means they are sick or something is definitely wrong with them. I really used to be worried what people would think of me, however, these types of days are key to my mental health and they will have to learn that this volunteer needs some time to recharge. I can work really hard but I have learned that I need my weekends and I need my space to be by myself with my books and my music to recharge. The work here is mentally exhausting and if I am going to survive these two years, I need to build in this time for a mental recharge. Now on to my random notes section...

1. We just were taken off Standfast, which basically means no movement - I was stuck in Xela for a week - but that was actually really fun - LOVED being in a city for a week! Oh I love cities! I will never not live in a city again - I love them - the hussle and bussle - the choices, the food, the shopping, the convenience. The weather here is something else - TONS of rain and storms - lots of mudslides and destruction. Luckily my community is safe - however - my heart goes out to those who have lost their homes and loved ones. It really is quite the deal down here now and the roads are def. not very safe.

2. Thank you for the care package Mom and Dad! Oh to eat some salt and vinegar chips, get some Clinique makeup, magazines, a FAN, Bath and Body Works lotion, and so many more goodies. It is like my old life packed in a box and some days I really miss my old life.

3.My friend Steph is coming next week to help me put on an environmental education training for the teachers here - can't wait for that.

4. Can't wait to go home for Christmas - having something good to look forward to every couple of months really helps.

5. I am so thankful for my computer and Skype! I love being able to connect with family and friends! I don't think I will ever live this far away for this long ever again. This experience is really helping me learn about me - my own personal likes and dislikes - and what I need to be happy. It is really tough being so far away from family. I miss them alot.

6. Music - music is one of those things that really helps me through the tough days - luckily there is tons of good music here that I love - rap, reggaeton, bachata, salsa. Can't wait to get home and get on a dance team again - really miss that part of my life.

7. Likes: Mexican tortas, cheap hot dogs, cheap music, sculpted hair on guys, strong coffee, big thunderstorms, the view of the volcano, parrots, the french fry stand, soccer games, speaking Spanish...

So, that is what has been going on lately here. I am finding my voice again, putting down some rules, and have learned that if I am going to be effective I have got to be myself or I won't be able to make anyone happy. Thanks for reading and can't wait to see many of you when I come home in December! I am counting down the days!